I have noticed recently that many people in response to being called certain names decide the best way to deal with it is instead of arguing or defending themselves is to agree and try and turn it around into a positive. For example someone might be called a bitch and that person says; 'Too right! You bet I am a bitch, and proud of it!' At first glance you think well good on them for taking that attitude but is it in fact a healthy attitude to take?
Think of some of those words out there that people are trying to turn into positive ones. Bitch is one, nerd is another. How many people have you heard call themselves nerds meaning it in a good way? Even slut comes into that category. All these words have negative connotations. They were created as insults. Words meant to harm, label and be hurtful. Yes I do know that a bitch is a female dog but the derogatory meaning of that word has been around for a very long time, so much so that you cannot say the word in its real context without someone snickering.
Lets examine it. It might seem natural for people to try and change a word. Why not be a nerd or a bitch but then again does the so called positive connotation really mean the same thing. If someone calls you are bitch they are insulting you by saying you are mean and nasty or worse. If you call yourself one you mean well yes I am a strong woman that speaks her own mind and of course there is nothing wrong with that but that is not the same as the insult. These are two completely different meanings. You are not a bitch at all, not in the way the word usage intends. The same for nerd. The use of the word nerd implies someone boring; lets face it. If you love reading and are smart there is no need to accept that you are a nerd no matter what anyone says.
I hear some of you saying that this is all nonsense. Where is the harm to defuse a situation by saying yes I am a nerd and laughing it off? But think about it. Negative words will always be negative. We cannot change them. We may try but the original meaning of a word is so ingrained that it is impossible to turn around.
I have recently discovered the book 'The Hidden Messages in Water' by Dr. Emoto. This book is fascinating and just shows how words and their meanings can truly affect us. This book is a commentary on experiments done with water when it forms crystals. Different words were exposed to pure water for the period it takes for the water to form crystals. Some of these words were positive and some were negative. Some of the words were in English and some in other languages. Each time the results were the same. The water exposed to the positive words formed glorious beautiful, complete colourful crystals while the water exposed to the negative words formed incomplete, dull crystals.
The results in fact are incredible and raise many questions about life and the connection of all living things but my point here is that if water can be affected adversely by negative words imagine what they can do to us? The old sticks and stones saying is not true. Words can indeed be harmful. Though it is not the words of others that do the most harm as we are all capable of deciding we will not let the comments or opinions of others harm us, though many of us take years to learn this. No the comments that are most harmful to ourselves are the ones we give ourselves or take on as part of our identity. If we call ourselves stupid and useless then our lives will be affected by this. If we take on or own what other people call us then this can be incredibly damaging. Think of a child who is constantly told they are stupid. As an adult it is so ingrained that their lives are affected. They don't try new things or go for that dream job as they think they will not be up to it because they are in fact stupid.
Or a battered wife who ultimately believes what her husband calls her; stupid, worthless, ugly. Because she hears it so often she takes it on; wears it as a second skin and after so many years finds it almost impossible to discard.
So too every time we take on a word and own it we are affected by it even if we take it on in jest or to try to turn a negative into a positive. I will say it again; a negative term is a negative and no matter how hard we try to change it this simply will not happen.
Try something out. Look in the mirror and call yourself something positive. Tell yourself out loud that you are intelligent or clever. Notice what affect it has on you. Now look in the mirror and call yourself a bitch or a nerd. Notice what affect that has. Did it make you jump a little? Did you feel good or did you feel somewhat deflated? Chances are it did not make you feel good at all but rather quite the opposite.
So negative words I think are far better making their way out of our vocabulary rather than us trying to change them. Look at the use of the N word in the USA. So many arguments and discussions about such an ugly word. No one can make it pretty, not even African Americans speaking it to one another in jest. They are doing themselves a great disservice.
So next time you get called a name best to ignore it and perhaps think about removing that person far out of your life. If a friend uses the term in jest why not tell them you are uncomfortable with it and would much rather they use a positive term or at least just smile at them and ignore them too. No need to admit it or agree or to own the term.
It is worth mentioning too all those little words we call people that have become normal that too can cause damage. Have you ever called your child stupid or silly or bad? Try and refrain from it because a child does not know how to ignore these terms and they will take them on and own them and be affected by them. They might do something that is silly or bad but they themselves are not, no matter what they have done. Make sure you distinguish between the act they have committed and themselves. Call them smart and clever and wonderful as many times as you can. They will believe it and far from making them arrogant it will give them self esteem and belief in themselves which is one of the greatest gifts you can give a child.
It might be worth mentioning too that if you do have a problem with thinking negatives about yourself then it is probably worthwhile trying some affirmations. Tell yourself often enough you are beautiful, smart, worthy, glorious etc and you will start to believe it. Have a look at 'You Can Heal Your Life' by Louise L. Hay. Remember no one on this earth is useless or worthless. No one! Not one person is worthless. Even a serial killer on death row may have a mother that loves them or may have shown at least one person affected by his crimes that life is too short and is worth living. Every single one of us is important and worthy and special and if we all believed that then name calling would be a thing of the past.
Remember to be kind to people. Name calling solves nothing at all. Even if a person is incredibly awful and behaving badly towards you don't resort to name calling. Eventually we can hope those truly negative people who delight in hurting others will realise that they call people names because of their own self esteem issues and the problem lies with them. Until then lets all try to be good to each other as much as we can and remember only label yourself good and positive things. Everyone will benefit from that.
Cheers,
Kellie
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