Friday, November 21, 2014

That special friend...

Many of us have different types of friendships. Some friends are people we love like family. Others we see hardly ever but when we do we are simply able to take up where we left off such is the bond. Then there are the friends that perhaps we only see socially as they are fun but we would never trust them with a secret. Then there is that one special friend, the one you share everything with and know everything about; one that you love but can never meet in person for fear they might actually kill you.

Wait, you mean you don’t have a friend like that? Most of your close friends you can safely meet since they are not homicidal? Well yes me too but strangely it is not so for everyone.

Recently I was taken aback just a touch by an article in a regular every day magazine about a woman, Terri-Anne, who had a serious relationship through letters with Richard Ramirez, who was on death row (now deceased from cancer) and was a famous (infamous) serial killer.

If the name rings a bell but you can’t quite place him… Let me give you a run-down. Ramirez was active in the 1980’s and was known as ‘The Night Stalker.’ He murdered 13 people, attempted to kill another 5, and sexually assaulted a further 11 people.

I will let you Google him if you want the gory details but I will give you a small glimpse into his crimes. Ramirez shot and killed 66 year old Bill Doi then tied down his disabled wife and raped her. In another incident he shot Elyas Abowath then repeatedly raped his wife in front of their toddler.

Now imagine seeing this man on TV and thinking ‘He is hot’ and writing to him? What possesses someone to do that? I’m not sure I know or could even speculate. Perhaps I need to get that degree in psychology I once thought would be a good idea. But remember while there are plenty of women that have been seduced by criminals, most tend to believe their paramours to be innocent. Make no mistake this man did not proclaim his innocence. She wrote to him and continued to write to him and became as she says ‘very close’ to him, knowing full well he did what he was convicted of. Indeed remember my opening to this piece… she was smart enough to realise she could never meet him in person for fear he would kill her.

How does that work? How can you care about someone and believe they care about you but you know they would kill you given half the chance? It would be very easy to write this woman off as simply stupid. Why else would you have an ongoing relationship with a serial killer? But I don’t think it is that easy. There must be something more behind it. I went from dismissing this woman as a moron to wanting to find out more about her.

I probably need to mention here that serial killers and true crime do fascinate me. I wonder about the sociopathic brain. What is it that separates their minds from ours? What would it be like to have no empathy? Is a serial killer capable of love in any way, shape or form? Most people think of serial killers as loners who form no relationships at all let alone deep abiding ones. This is certainly true for many. But the Green River killer was married to a woman who loved him and it would seem even if he didn’t love her he at least never harmed her and certainly had some sort of positive relationship with her. Jerome Brudos, the Oregon serial killer known as the ‘lust killer’ was married and concerned when his wife was being questioned after his arrest. Whilst he viewed his victims as akin to insects he wanted to simply squash he spoke well of his wife and children and was never violent towards them.

There are other examples. Ted Bundy formed close friendships and it is believed he killed women who looked like a particular ex whom he loved and never got over. It may well be he saw her more of a possession than a person to love but even so he felt something… something that turned his love or obsession into hate.

So is it possible that Ramirez could be totally indifferent to the lives of most people but be in love with a particular person? From what I could see of his letters, he did declare his love for this woman, in very romantic and even poetic ways. In fact I think plenty of women would love even one love letter such as he wrote to Terri-Anne let alone the 58 or so he sent her. Then again he did request nude photos and asked about her sex life which reads as a bit creepy rather than romantic…

But she might have found it easy to simply ignore any slightly icky moments as he called her his ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ and said things like ‘If the sun refused to shine, I’d still be here loving you.' Or 'I’ve never known a love like yours.'

So if he did in fact love her it still begs the question of how she could see past his crimes and also how she reconciled that with a genuine fear for her life if they were ever to meet.

Might it be that she thought he was like some sort of wild animal? That if they were alone together, his instinct to kill would win out regardless of his love for her? Like a Tiger who suddenly turns on an owner after years of being a loving pet?

Or does she really think deep down that he is nothing but a liar? His words of love being used solely to entrap her? She was merely a conduit to his ego… he can still receive attention from women in prison whilst being guilty of the most heinous of crimes?

So perhaps they just fed each other’s ego. She can tell people she had a ‘famous’ pen pal who sends her glorious love letters and he can once more feel he is manipulating a woman and getting pleasure from it.

I wish the article had gone further. In fact I would love to contact her and have a really good chat and maybe see more of the letters. Yes I am a bit of a busy body! I hear you all don’t worry. But we writers have to have a sense of curiosity, wanting to know more, get to the truth. So here I am wondering how this relationship actually worked. Perhaps I am simply being way too cynical in not believing that it was a real genuine relationship. That perhaps not all friendships or even romances are the same. People can be in love yet not be able to live together for various reasons. Others can love each other yet be totally platonic. The fear of a loved one murdering you is perhaps a new one but who knows? Perhaps someone can love you but also want to kill you?

What are your thoughts?