I have an inner toddler who HATES editing!

Sometimes I think that deep down inside me there is a toddler that hates to edit and she really wants to break out and make her displeasure known.

The other day I had finished my first draft of a piece and noticed that it was twice the number of words it needed to be. I didn't have a chance to be in shock or think of a solution before that little toddler wanted to throw a complete tizzy and have a meltdown. I wanted to scream, 'Noooooo! I am not going to shorten it. They will just have to deal with it as is!'

Of course I didn't actually have a physical meltdown and I did not even cry. Suddenly I felt like the parent having to explain to the toddler why that initial reaction really wasn't helpful.

So I explained to myself that words counts were in place for a reason. That a first draft is always going to be long and need editing and that there was sure to be loads of stuff that could be cut. Once edited the piece would be much better.

So the toddler sighed and sullenly agreed to scroll back to the beginning and start reading in preparation for the editing process.

So I gave myself the pep talk.... Stick to the angle… if it doesn't fit with the angle then cut it. Don't say the same thing twice ... then got to work. Of course I halved it and of course it did read better. 

There was a time years ago when I could not tame that toddler and I wrote pieces that were not tight enough and thus were not the best they could be. I think learning to tame that toddler was a turning point for me as a writer. 

Of course it may be that I am just a little bit crazy ... but then again I think that helps me as a writer too!

Do you have an inner toddler that wants to fight the editing process?

Writers - why not give a character an unusual phobia? There are so many to choose from!

There are so many more phobias in existence than I ever thought possible. I found out in an unusual way. I was mucking around with one of those apps for writers where you can look through lists of names, occupations, body types and all sorts of things supposedly to help you get over any writers block that has you wondering - 'just who is the character?' Or else when on page 63 you suddenly think you need to know the occupation of one of your characters and for the life of you can't think of one ...

So anyway there's an app for that. But what this app can also provide you with is a list of phobias. What if you decide one of your characters should have a phobia? I mean spiders is a bit obvious as is heights. So instead why don't you try finding an unusual phobia even if the particular phobia you choose might never actually become at all relevant in your story? Here's a few ideas to get you started.

How about auroraphobia? Which is the fear of the Northern Lights. Presumably this happens to people who live where the northern lights can be seen and have some terrible childhood memory of thinking the lights indicated the sky was falling or something. So the minute they were old enough they fled to more southern areas of the globe and now tell everyone they meet of their terrible phobia and how it nearly ruined their life. Or maybe people simply develop the fear spontaneously never having seen the Northern Lights ...Which poses its own set of problems.

How about barophobia? That's fear of gravity - no I didn't make that up. Where are these people? How do they survive from day to day?

Then there is something that some of you might actually relate to which is syngenesophobia; the fear of relatives. Thinking of setting your book around Christmas time? What a perfect phobia for someone to have. The hilarious scenarios write themselves.

Now here's a good one - xanthophobia which is the fear of the colour yellow or the word yellow. Throw in a scene featuring a beloved childhood big bird toy along with a disastrous visit to a paint shop. Or else an unsuspecting partner suggesting Yellow as a safe word? Pizza and Movie night? Just remember nothing with Minions in it. It is probably also a good idea to hide that Minions onesie.

Then there is plutophobia; a fear of wealth which would be an interesting one. At least you could actually introduce a character happy in a low paying job they love. There’s a character you could do something with. His plutophobia might mean he is constantly giving away his possessions much to the disgust of his other half ... If he has one.

Now how do you make someone housebound? Perhaps you need a device in order for them to require someone else to do all the leg work but agoraphobia is too obvious? Simply give them a fear of walking or ambulophobia. This could work too if you have an ongoing theme of delivery drivers you want to introduce into the story.

You could try for irony and have an archaeologist as a protagonist who tragically suffers from atephobia - fear of ruin or ruins. Or a farmer with alektorophobia - which is a fear of chickens. What about a lighthouse keeper with climacophobia - fear of stairs, climbing, or of falling downstairs? Then again it would be easy to slip in a character who suffers from epistemophobia - fear of knowledge as I believe many people in the world seem to suffer from that ... Alas.

Not quite sure how you could write this one in - euphobia which is a fear of hearing good news but it should be easy to have someone with ergophobia or a fear of work - especially if you fancy writing a few good arguments.

Let's face it - you name it and someone somewhere has a phobia of it. Fear of wind, flowers, and garden gnomes to name just another 3. All manner of things send otherwise ordinary people into a spin. All writers need to make their characters interesting. They need to have flaws or eccentricities, face challenges and even have severe emotional conditions in some cases. So why not throw in an unusual phobia? At the very least it will give your agent or editor a good laugh. 

Why do we listen to Celebrities?

I recently posted a Facebook post before stopping to think about it. I blame all the meds I'm taking for my asthma and hay fever...

Seriously though I had a go at Jamie Oliver after reading a click bait headline saying he was declaring a war on sugar. Now what got me incensed was that I am sick and tired of seeing him everywhere. He has sold out in my opinion. He will put his face on anything including products containing sugar.

A few of my friends disagreed with my rant because they thought I was against the actual message. I realise that in my angry haste I worded my point badly and was misunderstood ( a lesson for us all! - write post, re-read post, think - then delete as appropriate!) I'm not against the actual message. Whilst I hate it when people declare war on anything let alone one particular type of food I of course believe we all should learn about sugar and what it does. We should aim for a balanced diet and learn about hidden sugars in processed food etc.

But the more I think about it the more it bothers me that people who become famous because they are talented at something think that qualifies them to tell people how to live their lives.

What we eat, what we buy, what we even think about certain things all seems to be heavily linked with the celebrity obsession our society has. Companies spend millions of dollars on celebrity endorsements because people are more likely to buy something that is endorsed by a celebrity.

Why though? You pay an actress to be in an ad for hair dye or make up. Do you really think she uses that product? She dyes her hair at home? Chances are she isn't using cover girl make-up either. So why do we think these products are automatically better? 

The same goes for the celebrity chef. Curtis Stone doesn't use those pans his name is on you can buy at Target. Putting his name and face on it just means you are being suckered into paying more for a pan that is identical to the one next to it because it has his face and name on it.

There is of course a very strong psychological force here. People are led to believe if they buy and use the products then that some way brings a tiny bit of celebrity into their lives. 

Though that in itself is worrying. Why do we give these people so much kudos? Why should I be happy that my son will hear it from Jamie Oliver that he should limit sugar? Because if I teach him to listen to a celebrity about that then I'm teaching him a celebrity knows best.

Why don't we listen to scientists, nutritionists and read up on topics for ourselves rather than take on board what a celebrity says?  How do we know when a celebrity genuinely believes something and when they are being paid to sell us things? 

So basically I am fed up with celebrity culture. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I don't see why I should pick a product off the shelf because of a photo shopped picture of a celebrity trying to tell me how good it is. It's getting harder to find products that are not endorsed by someone famous though. This is how bad things have gotten.

So yes I will teach my son about the dangers of too much sugar but not because Jamie Oliver wants his face in the paper again. I will teach him that because of facts.

It is time we all remembered that celebrities are people. I am all for admiring someone for their talent. But when it's come to a point that celebrities are the go to for our life choices then I think we have taken it too far. 

Your Vagina is ok, mine is ok, it's all ok!

The rise of the Internet has meant we have access to so much more information than we used to. If you have an opinion, an issue, a question or a problem the answer might simply be available after typing in a sentence. There are forums and Facebook pages dedicated to many things including being or becoming a parent.

It's posts from those type of sites I want to talk about today. I have seen quite a few times women asking in all seriousness about how other women overcome any embarrassment about their bodies when they are due to give birth. It seems hang ups about our bodies go so far that it interferes even with the wonder of the miracle of life. Women are scared of people seeing them 'down there' as they wonder if they look different or somehow 'abnormal' Will nurses stare or laugh behind their hands?

I don't mean to make light as in our society nakedness really still does have a huge stigma. Women do worry about what they look like naked, especially those parts not normally on display, even in a revealing swimsuit. Now before the Internet I honestly didn't even know some women worried about the size of their labia. But they do. They wonder whether parts are too dark or too big or too small.

It seems before you could be an anonymous person at a computer keyboard most women wouldn't  ask anyone these questions for fear of embarrassment. Well I'm not here to try to get you to love your body as it is ( though I think that is important) but rather to tell you that there is no normal. No matter what you look like between your legs the doctors, nurses etc have seen it all and truly will not give a shit what you look like down there.

Not convinced? Well I feel somewhat knowledgable enough to tell you a few things. Long ago I totally lost any self consciousness about my body when it comes to medial professionals. I have had a few procedures, been in the emergency room a few times and seen many different types of doctors for various things. I have a chronic illness which has manifested differently over the years so there have been many visits to medical practitioners.

Now I can't remember the first time I was completely happy to strip off and not even think about it. Though  I remember some reactions once I was. Some doctors are obviously used to women being nervous so they gently ask me if I could pull up or down a sleeve when what they really need is for me to take my top off. So I simply offer to do so. Most look relieved, others looked a bit shocked.... Obviously I'm one of a kind there. 

If a doctor wants to see my chest then that's fine, he has seen plenty of others. He doesn't give a shit what my boobs look like. I've had numerous Pap smears. I tend to just chat during them now. Once a male doctor asked if I would rather a female doctor to do it. It really didn't bother me. I almost asked him how many vagina's he had seen. I didn't but I imagine the number would be in the 100's.

Those hospital gowns which are open at the back. They are like that for easy access. A doctor has to examine my tummy then he gets to see my undies. All I hope is that my undies are pretty. I care little that he might catch a glimpse of inner thigh or outer thigh. At the osteopath they give you those gowns then you lie face down and when they need to work on your lower back they pull your undies down anyway. So I truly don't see why I don't just take them off. While the Osteo prods my naked buttocks I'm happy to talk about the weather or ask about the music playing. Again I  imagine my buttocks are not the worst things they have ever seen. 

I once had a procedure done under anaesthetic and when I woke up I was fully clothed. So either I was so out of it I didn't remember getting myself dressed, and given I was still shaky on my feet at this point I doubt it. Or else someone dressed me while I was unconscious. For a brief moment I pondered what that must have been like for the person involved then I mentally shrugged and picked up the magazine beside the bed and had a read.  

But of course none of this relates to childbirth but I've left that story for last since it is the best. Once you have been pregnant and had a child any sense of modesty pretty much goes out the window. Truly...no matter how self conscious you were beforehand. 

I remember how quickly any small bit of modesty I may have had completely evaporated from the moment I went to the hospital to have my son induced. A few different midwives got to poke around my nether regions and insert things. One got me in the shower when the horrendous contractions started. Even after I had the hospital gown on and was on the bed hooked up to the monitor and mostly keeping my legs together things didn't stay that way for long.

So I was waiting for an epidural... Because you know... Horrendous pain. Then suddenly this Greek God appears in the room. One of the most handsome looking men I had ever seen in my life had come to rescue me to carry me off in his chariot away from this hell I was in. Well at least that's what I thought in my strange pain daze. I did wonder if I was hallucinating. Why is this Man here? Then he is introduced as the anaesthetist. So good news... Pain will soon go away, of course the fact that this amazing specimen was here to simply insert a large needle into my spine was not really akin to being whisked off in a chariot... But oh well.

So after he had done the business so to speak he stayed for a while to do the paperwork. The room I was in was set up in an interesting way. About two metres from the foot of my bed was the desk with the chair behind it, facing me. At this point since I would soon feel very little from the waist down (thank goodness!) so the midwife decides to insert a catheter. That's right. I have to spread them again and allow someone else to tinker away all while this amazing specimen of man is sitting directly in front of me. If he were to look up from his paperwork his gaze would hit firmly on my vagina. I tried to sneak peeks around the midwife to see if he did look up but I didn't notice if he did. I imagine it's because he truly was not fazed by a woman's vagina being clearly visibly and in his direct line of sight. I have to accept he's seen it all before.

He soon got up and left, presumably to go and rescue another damsel in distress. I think I managed a thank you and he may have waved his acknowledgement as he left but he was otherwise completely non plussed. Two things occurred in my haze...one was imagine a story where a sexy anaesthetist falls madly in love with a woman he has just given an epidural to? That's a story to write in the future ( I never did.) The second thought was that I wanted to kiss him when the epidural kicked in and the pain stopped. I recalled an old episode of ER when a character, after being given an epidural says something along the lines of "I'm in love with the epidural man." The doctor with her says 'we call him an anaesthetist." And she replies in a honey smooth ( now pain free) voice 'To me he will always be the epidural man.' That's how I felt.

You know what occurred to me third.... Eventually. The fact that he and many other people had just seen my vagina in all its glory whilst having a catheter inserted. It was no big deal because no one made it a big deal. These people do this stuff all the time. 

So you know what. We are all normal. The people who are going to prod around down there will barely notice what your particular area looks like. Unless a part of your anatomy causes you physical pain or discomfort then there is no reason to nervously ask a doctor, or the woman who waxes you whether you are 'normal.'

So try and drop the fears about the whole naked thing. When it comes to it it really truly won't matter. Maybe one day you will even be like me and ready to strip for any doctor or practitioner without a second thought. I fear one of these days I will forget myself and strip from the waist up at the dentist... Give them all something to talk about I suppose!

I know it's hard for some as we are bought up to believe that being naked is somehow shameful. As women we don't tend to compare vaginas or labia or anything else between our legs. I'm not saying it is something we should start doing... Having vagina comparing parties... But just lose the hang ups. There are so many different kinds of normal. Most people will not care what it looks like down there so long as it's clean and functional... That goes for men too by the way...but that's a different blog post...

A top writing tip that could lead to an hilarious scenario

I recently read one of those ten tips pieces written by someone who presumably has been there and done that and knows ways to make life more productive. One tip made sense but also made me laugh at the potential consequences.

That tip was to go on strike when you write. That means you do nothing else. No cooking, no fetching, no washing, no playing uno with the kids, nothing. So basically you sit and write and tell everyone to look after themselves.

I can't help but imagine what would occur in some households if this were to happen. The poor cat would feel starved and neglected so basically sit on your head while you try to write and dig their claws in. If you lock them out of the room the relentless scratching at the door will drive you mad and you may also need to drive to Bunnings for things to repair the door.

You would have kids helping themselves to biscuits and cereal and spreading it all over the house. Every light in the house would be on and every TV on and at full volume. Piles of dirty washing would make a trail though the house that may or may not lead to the laundry.

Plus I'm assuming the writing can be left for brief moments? So you would have to tip toe past the mess and kids and crazy cat to go to the loo. Coffee making? Surely you couldn't go on strike to the point you couldn't operate the coffee machine? That wouldn't be right. So you block out all the requests for food and pleading for help with craft projects and getting past the boss level on a game to use the coffee machine. Only no milk, or sugar or coffee... So who will pop to the shop while you are on strike? 

In all seriousness though it could be a good idea if used with obvious limits that don't allow for colourful scenarios as above (which is of course what the writer intended). You could take chunks out of certain days, have coffee and biscuits by your side and 'go on strike' for a few hours. It would not be nearly as hilarious though.

It's funny but I already do that only its when the Wests Tigers are playing. I go on strike for the full 80 minutes. At half-time I will listen to non rugby league related items briefly if necessary and put the kettle on or pour wine. Otherwise unless it's life threatening it must wait till Full-time. Maybe it is time I tried that with my writing too?

What useful time management tips do you use? Or alternatively what are some silly ones you've heard?  

    

              The owner of this house was a writer that went on strike 

               ( statement may be untrue ...) 

I don't have a problem with McKinnon or Smith. I do have a problem with 60 Minutes.

I can't remember the last time I watched 60 minutes. A few years ago probably. I remember watching a story that was so one sided that I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It used to be the kind of show that featured stories told professionally. It was true journalism. Now it is little more than a TV version of a tabloid.

I broke my 60 minutes drought as I wanted to watch the story on Alex McKinnon, the rugby league player who became a quadriplegic after a horrifying illegal tackle in a game last year. The story started off well. Stories from Alex's youth, funny anecdotes from his family and documentation of what seems to be a great love between him and his fiancé.

Where they starts to lose it was at the point where they obviously wanted to cause dissent, to get people talking, to make something pointed in order to shock viewers...keep them watching. Never mind it was only part of the truth.

Now I think McKinnon is a brave man who deserves the outpouring of sympathy he is receiving. It is a huge tragedy that a man so young has been so injured. When his mother spoke about how she felt when he said he wanted to die it truly touched me. I hope too he gets a bigger settlement from the NRL so he has the money he needs to live the rest of his life.

However today Cameron Smith, The Australian and Melbourne Storm Captain has been left shocked after being labelled the bad guy by 60 minutes, this program that should be led by guidelines of responsible journalism.

During the program they showed McKinnon sitting with Liz Hayes watching the footage of that terrible tackle. McKinnon found it hard, obviously and was trying to describe why he moved his head the way he did. The big surprise... The pointy part of the story that Liz Hayes & team seemed so keen to deliver was that McKinnon had no malice for the Melbourne Storm player who lifted him in the tackle, the player who was suspended for 7 weeks but rather was angry at Cameron Smith for his on field comments at the time.

It is fair to say that looking at isolation at what Smith says it does give the viewer a bit of a jolt, just as it does Hayes and McKinnon who are viewing it together. 60 minutes put the footage together just perfectly for best effect. McKinnon on the ground, his face stricken, unable to breathe and unable to move. Then carried off on a stretcher... The mood sombre. Then Smith is arguing with the referee about the penalty that went against his team. The referee tells him the penalty stands, the player is on report, it is an illegal tackle. But Smith does what many a captain has done before and will do again, he argues the point. 60 minutes make sure you see and clearly hear him say ' if he doesn't duck his head, that doesn't happen' Then go to McKinnon's reaction as he watches with Hayes. He is upset. He suggests that arguing over a penalty when someone comes off on a stretcher is fucking ridiculous. 

Now reading this you may think he has a point. I did at first. People are saying how did Smith not know how serious it was? How could he blame McKinnon for his own injury? Well I imagine if Smith were to see the footage he would agree it was not his best moment. Arguing over a penalty that injures a player to the extent they have to be carried off on a stretcher seems petty and unsympathetic.

But 60 minutes leave it there. A brief positive mention from coach Wayne Bennet about Smith's character and that is it. No talking to Smith or the Storm. Nothing. Just an seriously injured man watching footage of the moment his life changed forever reacting to that pain in front of a camera.

That's not responsible. They didn't need to show him watching the footage. They didn't need to focus on Smith but they chose to in order to spice things up. All the family shots and loving moments overshadowed by introducing a villain simply because they could.

Smith when he was on the field didn't get to watch the replay over and over. Perhaps he truly didn't know the extent of the injuries. He did what a captain would do... Try and argue against a penalty. Was it bad form to argue so long? Yes. In hindsight might he realise that those comments can be construed as blaming McKinnon for his own injury? Absolutely but that does not excuse the one sided reporting. If 60 Minute had done its job and reported all the facts it would have reported that despite McKinnon's suggestion that Smith never got in touch, Smith and other Storm players tried to visit him in hospital several times but were denied. They should have mentioned that Smith was instrumental in the Rise For Alex fundraising campaign and that Smith wore McKinnon's number as a sign of respect. They didn't.

If you want to call out Smith for his comments then do so but 60 minutes showed little integrity by the way they handled the story. When you leave out relevant facts to make your version more poignant then that is not journalism. So little wonder I stopped watching the program. Somehow I don't think I will be going back.  

My Clarisonic Mia ... The journey so far

A few weeks ago thanks to a birthday gift card I purchased a Clarisonic Mia. I had thought about getting one for a while. I had read so many positive reviews and I'm a bit of a skin care freak so felt it would be great to add one to my routine. So the gift card swayed it. I had baulked at the price but when it was very little out of pocket expense it was an easy decision. 

The first time I used it my skin felt different. It felt clean and soft without that stretched taut feeling. Now that stretched taut feeling is one I have not felt in a long time since I learned that was actually not a good feeling. Even if your skin is on the oily side like mine all it does is make your skin produce more oil. So long ago I stopped using foaming cleansers and many products specifically for oily skin. But I liked the way my skin felt so soft after just cleansing. My night serum and cream didn't seem to go on any easier than normal but otherwise I felt good.

I bought a new cleanser to try and soon learned it wasn't for me! After cleansing with that and my Mia my face went a bright red and stung. Ok so that cleanser goes to hubby to use! 

Then I got sick and missed a few nights as I was incapable of doing anything more than splash my face. Illness shows on my face and I started to look pale and drawn with dark circles. When I started to feel a bit better I started using my Mia again. A simple cream cleanser each night. At first I felt it was doing nothing but it was competing with some rather nasty illness induced skin! It's not a miracle worker.

One day recently I decided to perk myself up. So I applied my Eve Taylor exfoliant mask. After I had finished I had an idea.  This particular product contains no granules ( I never use exfoliants like that anymore...those little rough bits....not good!) I wet my face and used the Mia briefly before rinsing. I applied my moisturiser afterwards and felt and looked better than I had in weeks! 

The following day I looked more alive and my dark circles had significantly reduced. I need to point out that I still had symptoms. I had ended up with bronchitis and a nasty ear infection and was taking antibiotics so realistically I shouldn't look much better and yet I did.

So was it the Mia or something else? I dunno but I think the Mia has helped. Not only does it clean the skin it works a bit like a massager so helps to drain all the nasties from the skin and increase blood flow so that can cause a reduction in dark circles and dullness. 

So perhaps I sound like I'm selling something so sorry if that is the case. But I think I am falling in love with my Mia. It feels good and makes my skin feel and look better. Oh and so far not a pimple in sight! So none of the purging I had been warned about. So what's not to love?