I mean camping? Why? Where is the appeal? Why do normal ordinary people get excited about the prospect of spending days in a vinyl tent under a hot sun surrounded by insects? I suppose children I get. Everything is exciting when you are a kid. But adults? Wouldn't they rather stay at a nice hotel? With an actual bed? And a solid roof? And air conditioning?
I have been camping.... I think twice. Or maybe three times. I've blocked it out mostly. I was a child when I went camping so once I was old enough to decide on my own holiday destinations a tent was never an option. But I did go as a child and pretty much hated every minute of. I was not an adventurous child. Even young and carefree I saw the sense in a nice hotel.
Because if we think about it with a logical mind camping for recreation is quite ridiculous. If we were to tell someone from the 1800's that people actually camp out on the open for fun they will think people of the future are insane. Absolutely insane. Why would you sleep in a tent if you own a perfectly good house?
Because camping used to be of necessity. It was the only thing to do to get from place to place. If you happened to pass through a town with an Inn you would stay there... You know as opposed to sleeping on the hard ground. Why do that if you don't have to?
So camping for recreation perplexes me. I don't understand the appeal at all. It sounds like a form of torture to me. Especially in the Queensland summer, especially when people go north to go camping. It's like saying what is a holiday without a dose of heatstroke?
But imagine I were to go camping now? Imagine Master 4 decides he would like to go camping and mummy must come too? I suppose I would have to brave it. I imagine it would go something like this..
First trip to the camping store would be cut short by my hubby declaring that we really don't need all the things I am picking out. How are we going to transport the generator? Whereas I'm convinced it would fit on a trailer. We could hire a trailer to pack the generator and the portable shower and the bar fridge. So ok maybe the microwave is going a little too far. I will admit that.
So after being told to leave hubby will buy the basics needed to endure... I mean enjoy a camping trip.
The day will come and for some reason we will be leaving while it is still dark. I will ask why and not get a proper answer. I will INSIST we stop for coffee before we enter the middle of nowhere. I may be seen by passing vehicles to be silently sobbing into my coffee and declaring my love for it. Or maybe not. Who am I kidding? That's exactly what passing vehicles will see!
Upon arriving master four will wander off collecting all manner of sticks and rocks whilst hubby tries to put up the tent. I will at this point no doubt be spraying insect repellant all over us like a crazed woman.
At some point a swim will be suggested. Master 4 will be all excited. I will look askance at the muddy water and wonder whether it is safe, I will instil the importance of not swallowing the water! Though I need not have bothered as Master 4 will no doubt run out after a few minutes screaming that fish are touching him! Hubby will swim alone till it is time for lunch. I will try and read but will keep having to stop master 4 wandering off. Eventually I tell him there are Tigers in the bush so he does not go too far..
At last some sense! Lunch is cooked on a little gas cooker after even hubby realises attempting to build a fire would be futile. So sausages for lunch? Pretty cool I suppose. Just like a Saturday morning at Bunnings only we are not going home to an air conditioned house.
Somehow we make it through the afternoon. The only way anyone naps is if copious amounts of meds are taken. Who can sleep in this heat? Master 4 at some stage will ask if he can go and see the Tigers and I will slink down behind my book pretending I have not heard. I suggest the boys go on a bush walk to see the Tigers so I can have a few minutes alone. I will get all of five minutes until they come back exclaiming ' it's too hot out there!'
Dinner will involve probably sausages again.... Not so exiting second time round and alcohol. Yes it must involve alcohol. In fact there is one esky devoted to it. No way I'm camping without a glass of white wine. Or you know a plastic cup of white wine....
At some point it will be time to sleep. I will just get settled on top of my sleeping bag. It will be too hot no doubt to actually get inside the thing, when I realise I have to pee. It's one thing to find a place to pee in the bush during the day. It's quite another to have to find it at night. We did bring a torch didn't we? Didn't we?
The morning will come and I dare say there will be birds chirping and the sunrise will be beautiful. Maybe just maybe I will be delighted for all of a few a minutes with the wonders of nature before wanting to leave them.
Day two will be much like day one. Except at some point I will suggest that I cannot handle another insect bite and it's too hot to do anything so why don't we go? Hubby will pretend to be disappointed but will soon buck up when I mention the motel that is just 3.8km away that according to wotif have a vacancy.
Thus will be my camping trip. Here's hoping by the time master four wants to go camping I will be able to show him this in order to change his mind. Then again camping is the ultimate male bonding thing right? Father and son holiday? Yes? I can stay home lest I inhibit the father/son quality time?
So what is your take on camping? Fun or insane?
